Karen Miller's THE INNOCENT MAGE

Unlike Gail Z. Martin's The Summoner (see last entry), I actually finished this book (2005), the first in Karen Miller's Kingmaker, Kingbreaker series. This one I discovered not through C. Palmer-Patel's book on heroic epic fantasy but through an essay by Edward James on the fantasy trilogy. Alas, even though I finished this book, curtesy of some hardcore skimming, it was just as awful and poorly written.

THE GOOD
  • Miller has a gift for dialect. She gives the main character, Asher, a pretty cool working class accent. Words like "slumskumbledy" are just hilarious.
  • The cover's pretty cool
    •  . . . although, note, see how I'm trying to pad out this list with comments about the cover)
THE BAD
  • As with The Summoner, "the bad" is everything else.
The main villain, when he comes 5/6 of the way through the book, is another one of those cardboard mustache-twirlers. (Seriously, some archetypal villains such as Stephen R. Donaldson's Lord Foul can work, but Miller and Martin aren't even going for archetypal.) There's a prophecy, too, which apparently explains how Asher achieves any success despite being an unlikeable nitwit. Pro tip: if you find yourself invoking a prophecy every time you wish to explain what will happen in the next few chapters, you're not going to create much tension or interest.

But the plot itself is just cheesy and un-stomachable. Here's a depressingly accurate synopsis of the book's first half (borrowed from reader Beth over at GoodReads):
  • Asher runs away to find his fortune in the Capitol. Asher sees the prince riding through town. "Man, that guy is an idiot."
  • Prince seems to recognize Asher. Prince: "Hey what are you doing here?"
  • Asher, "None of your business."
  • Prince, "I like you, want to work in my stables although obviously you can't handle a horse and you are impertinent?"
  • Asher, "Why would I want to do that though I have no other options and no skills?"
  • Prince, "I'll pay you well."
  • Asher, "I want more."
  • Prince, "Done!"
  • Asher somehow makes friends though he is just as rude and coarse with everyone else.
  • Prince, "Asher, I want to you come help me judge a special case at court."
  • Asher, "You're an idiot."
  • Asher sees the case where a man is obviously taking money from his innocent cousin.
  • Prince, "What should I do?"
  • Asher, "The guy is an idiot." Prince, "You are such a great judge of character." Asher, "You are an idiot."
  • Prince, "Yes, unrivaled judge of character. Will you be my first and most trusted adviser?"
  • Asher, "Why would I want to make twice as much money and be so privileged?"
    •  (And here poor beleaguered Beth from GoodReads stops reading the book.)
Incidentally, both The Innocent Mage and The Summoner received awful ratings over at GoodReads. I've never really gotten into the site, but I'm discovering that it does have some pretty savvy reader commentary on there.

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